Sometimes it's Rest

For the last two nights both children have been asleep by 7:45 in the evening. And have slept for at least eleven hours straight. No one has woken up in the middle of the night. Not. One. Time. And it is wonderful! Absolutely wonderful! I think my body is still in the habit, however, because I am having a hard time sleeping through the night. The first morning they slept through the night, both of them, I woke up gasping for air and fumbling in a frenzy for the video monitor. And when that didn't calm me I had to go in and watch Maddie sleeping, see her chest rise and fall in rhythmic reassurance, and tiptoe back to bed.

I felt like I could breath again. Like the tightness in my chest was subsiding, and I was finally taking a breath of fresh air.... it was nice. Really nice.  In the light of every day hardships, trials, and stresses, there was finally a reprieve. However, despite all of that, Monday morning I was tired. Despite the rest. Tired. Maybe exhaustion would be a better description of how I was feeling. I laid in bed dreading getting up. Wishing with all of my heart that there would be a super-nanny downstairs to take my kids for the morning, or even the day.

My heart ached a little and I silently prayed while dragging my still sleeping legs out of bed... I prayed for help. I prayed for strength. I prayed for rest. And, for the first time since Tucker was 5 months old, he went down for a morning nap. He wasn't sick, he had slept a full night, eaten well, been happy and pleasant all morning... But despite all of that at 9:45 in the morning he was ready to go back to bed. I put him down and then took care of Maddie... until 10:00, when it was time for her to go down. And, when neither made a sound, and both closed their eyes, I ran to my bed and jumped under the covers. I was so elated I was struggling against tears.

God cares. He cares. I may not have a physical nanny to whisk my kids away and give me an hour of rest. But, I have a Heavenly Father, who enabled my children to sleep at an hour when Tucker normally does not sleep. The moment when that knowledge moved from my head to my heart hit me hard. Tears- of joy, thankfulness, and exhaustion. Rest. It's poignant. It really is.

2 year old Tucker and his tricycle (with Topo and Nicholas)

Tucker and his tee (with Topo and, yes, UT bat)