Sometimes it's Heart-Strings

"...even as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before Him. In love He predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of His will..." - Ephesians 1:4-5

This post will undoubtedly come as a sort of surprise to most anyone who is even remotely aware of the current state of crazy in our household... After all, we decided to move, change jobs (3 times since moving), have a second baby, and buy a house all last fall- with the jobs changing through the winter months. But many have been aware of my heart for children since I was very young- to the point that when I was in middle school I wanted to adopt at least ten kids... The numbers may have decreased a bit over the years, but "the fatherless" have always tugged at my heart strings.

With the birth of my second child, however, we had in fact been questioning just how feasible it would be to adopt... To be honest the thought of adding any more children to our household was one that we quickly dismissed. A childish lark, a fancy, a daydream, and a thing which I didn't understand fully at the time- that is how I wrote it off... At least, I tried to...

Months back a friend at MOPS informed me of a conference that was going to be held in February. And I considered it for two reasons: the first being I still wanted to learn more of the exact parameters that surrounded the adoption process; the second was it lasted for a better part of the day with child care and lunch provided as part of the extremely feasible registration fee. It may seem odd, but the fact that it could be turned into a semi-date like outing for my husband and I was a major bonus. And, despite my best efforts, there was still a whispering in my heart that I couldn't seem to silence.

Nathan and I decided that we would indeed attend the conference- he had never really had the same pull towards adoption as I had, but he agreed it would be good to get more information. And my heart strings began to be pulled once more. Until this time I had tried to silence my longing by telling my heart that I would be content with one boy and one girl. "It's a well rounded family, we will be happy," I coaxed myself- willing to no longer desire more children. But this last week... Tug. Ache. Heart. Strings.

An image of a boy, a son, began to consume my thoughts. While feeding my daughter it was almost as though I could see him in the next room, or hear his feet pattering up the stairs. Every day this feeling grew stronger- and with it a name began to imprint itself on my mind. Whenever my day quieted long enough I would begin to feel as though someone was missing, as though I had forgotten something, as though one of my children was gone...

We attended the conference yesterday, and I felt it- the full out heartthrob longing I had let go of had come back, and this time with a vengeance. As I listened to story after story, and began to realize how consuming this process of adoption is, how taxing and tiresome and demanding, I prayed. Nathan and I have discussed adoption and what that would mean for our family. We both agree it is something that needs to be covered in prayer.

And so, if you so choose, we would ask that you would join with us...

Here are the prayers of our hearts:
1. First, that we will surrender every plan we have for ourselves and our future and allow our hearts and wills to be one in Christ Jesus
2. Second, that through every trial we will remain strong, standing together, and leaning on Him
3. And lastly, that we will be daily reassured in our decision.

"Caring for the fatherless is not just a kind act, and adoption is not just another means of growing our families. Caring for the fatherless and adoption are at the very heart of God. Caring for orphans is about obedience... And about knowing the God we serve." - Hope for Orphans- a ministry of FAMILYLIFE