Sometimes it's the Mourning

There is a time for mourning. As a child I would cry about children being abandoned in China. I cry when I read a good book. I cry when I watch a good movie. I cry. And as a mother I cry now more than ever...

As most, if not all, of you have probably heard or read or seen by now, baby Avery passed away from this world on April thirtieth. And I wept as though I had lost a close and dear friend, or rather my closest friend had lost her child. The way Avery's parents shared their story with the world, the way they gave their five month old daughter a voice- one that hundreds of thousands of people have been able to hear and respond to.

I am blown away by the strength the Canahuati family responded to Avery's diagnosis. They hadn't been wrestling with the horror of SMA and what that would mean for their child since she was born. They became aware of their daughter's disease and jumped into telling her story. They made it a priority to LIVE life with their precious baby girl, and to share those moments with anyone who would listen. They welcomed us into their homes, and made us feel like we were living life with Avery.

The news of her life ending stopped the breath in my lungs. It hit me like a semi-truck. And then, I wept. Heart wrenching gutteral sobs over a life that ended. Far. Too. Short. I never met her, but I feel like I know her. I feel like I have had that mother to mother conversation with the remarkably corageous woman who is her mommy. It's as though they are dear friends, and we are mourning this loss as we would an intimate relation.

(Baby Avery's last picture, still smiling)

And so, at a time like this, words have escaped me. I want to say something, but there is nothing to say. I want to give something, send something, but what? Avery's blog is still keeping everyone informed on ways to donate to the cause for finding a cure and spreading awareness of SMA. And, if you too are struggling with wanting to surround this family with support but are unsure of what to do or where to start... You can start with a donation, one that will be matched dollar for dollar for up to $500,000.00. Read her blog for more of the details. And continue to share this child's story with anyone and everyone. Talk to your child's pediatrician about newborn checkups, talk to your obgyn about getting tested to see if you are a carrier, talk to the hospital you deliver in, talk to your insurance company, talk to the stranger in the checkout line.

Continue in prayer and support for this amazing family who have taken an unfathomable heartbreak, and used it joyfully to make a difference in the world of today. I did not have the blessing of meeting baby Avery in her lifetime here on earth, but I must admit I look forward to meeting her one day... Don't you?

 

 

Sometimes We Go to the Zoo...

A week visiting the family in Houston wouldn't be complete without a trip to the zoo...

Tucker wanted to ride the Heffalumps...

Heffalumps give high-fives!

Watching the Heffalumps...

Tucker wanted to get into the exhibit... With the chimpanzees...

Maddie poses. Giraffe poses.

Maddie's favorites!

Riding the caterpillar on the carousel...

 

 

Tucker riding the panda bear with Mia!

 

Sometimes it's a Heart Issue

Ever have one of those moments where you read, hear, or see someone doing something and you feel like patting yourself on the back? It's one of those instances where you feel good about yourself, because that doesn't describe you at all, at least not anymore, right? Yeah, totally had one of those moments today. In church. Of course, where else would a person feel like they are better than the rest of the people listening to the exact same teaching in the exact same building?

The preacher was using words like "hostile," ,

"And you, who once were alienated and hostile in mind, doing evil deeds..." - Colossians 1:21

My response? "Oh, I have never even been there, and doubt I ever will be..." it was a type of deep hearted musing- the kind that is only discovered when you dare to explore the inner confined thought of your soul. But it was there nevertheless. It's like I accepted I was a sinner, accepted I was imperfect, but evil? I mean, that's kind of harsh... Isn't it? Ever been there?

We live in a culture of entitlement. Our initial response to our clothing, food, and shelter seems to be "it's not enough," and that mindset leads to the heart condition of coveting. Which, if you know your ten commandments, you know that you just stepped into the deep end of the wrong pool. But we have taken have these commandments and twisted them into socially accepted behaviors.

The media goes as far as to idolize the distorting of them to the point where we will drink gossip as though it is the oxygen to our very souls. We teach to coveteousness to children and it becomes the social norm because the adults in society are continually growing their children up in a materialistic world view under the heading, "dreams for my child's future." We lust, and are encouraged in that- even more than that we consider someone a prude if they haven't. We hate- Yankees, rednecks, beauty queens, jocks, geeks, gays, blacks, whites- we conditionally love only those who we desire to be loved by.

The culture that surrounds us on every side has allowed us to love our sin. Like a child loves his poop filled diaper as it oozes and surrounds him- the thoughts being, "Yeah, it may be stinky, but it's warm and it's mine!" Oh. Dear. ...It's a matter of the heart. God is after our hearts. The underlying cause behind people's actions is the heart of the person in question. Why Jesus compares hating someone to murdering them, or lusting after someone to committing adultery. If it happens in the heart, it is a sin. And a sin is a sin is a sin. And sin is evil. Therefore, at one point in time in this life we were each "doing evil deeds," with nothing keeping us from reproach.

We pursue the "happyness" instead of the joyfullness. I love what Matt Chandler said in his sermon that we watched this morning. He said this, "Happiness is impossibly fragile- touch it, and it's gone." And then he explained that, "Joy has extremely deep roots. It is immovable." Joy is not hindered by the things of this life. Joy is founded in Christ. But happiness exists in a moment, and as soon as it is, it is no longer.


Ready for the rest of the verse? Yeah, I was too.

"he has now reconciled in his body of flesh by his death, in order to present you holy and blameless and above reproach before him,

IF

indeed you continue in the faith, stable and steadfast, not shifting from the hope of the gospel that you heard which has been proclaimed in all creation under heaven..."

- Colossians 22-23 (emphasis mine)

Amen.

 

Sometimes it's Not Like

In Maddie's eyes I am currently unable to do anything wrong... With the exception of leaving her alone in her room for nap time. Any song I sing in my off key way has her smiling and cooing. Any food I feed her she at least tries to eat. A book, it doesn't matter which, has her practically jumping for joy between pictures and words. It doesn't take a lot to entertain, and unless she is tired, she is happy.

Tucker is a toddler. A toddler who just learned the phrase, "I don't like..." And now I hear it all the time. "I don't like that book," and he tosses it aside. "I don't like that song," as he walks away from my singing. "I don't like that," as he lets the toy fall through his fingers, or throws the piece of food. "I don't like that plate," as he pushes my efforts away from him with a look of disinterest bordering disgust. "I don't like mommy." Those. Words. Hurt.

Living a life of sacrifice is easy when you are sacrificing for people who sacrifice for you. It's wonderful even. To sacrifice on a daily, constant, basis for self-indulgent, self-serving, self-centered people is not easy. And yet that's what we are called to do, after all isn't that what being Christ-like looks like? Doesn't He love me, you, and all of the world, despite the fact that at the end of the day how many of us by our actions tell Him, "I love you," and how many of us are actually saying, "I don't like you..."

 

Sometimes it's, umm, Pee

Thursday marked the beginning of Tucker in underwear. A diaper shield is put over the underwear for naps and bedtime, but that's it... The only problem is my son does not understand cause and affect very well, if at all. He is the child that, when he accidentally slammed his fingers in a cabinet would cry, open the cabinet, and (without removing his hands) would slam it harder... Only to cry louder. Needless to say, it took him a few months to realize that if he slammed the cabinet without moving his hands to a safe position, it would hurt... A lot.

So, while trying to teach my son the signs of needing to go to the bathroom, and how uncomfortable it is to go to the bathroom in underwear, I also have a very demanding six month old- who is very frustrated with the fact that she is not getting as much attention at the moment as her peeing-freely-all-over-the-house older brother... Ever have a day like this?

While chasing a tantrum throwing toddler and attempting to wrestle him onto the toilet seat (because he is bound to blow at any second) he starts to pee, straight up in the air- directly at your face. Rest of day spent chasing, doing loads of laundry (because 8 pairs of underwear is NOT enough for even one day), cleaning up "accidents" (which you are almost positive are anything but accidental). Turn around to giggle with the little girl, who really just wants an excuse to smile and coo (oh so cute- she somehow makes the day seem like it won't be the end of the world after all...). And between spitup, tossed cereal, food scattered, and, oh yeah that other daunting puddle that has found it's way onto your living room floor, you somehow manage to get both kids to sleep. Sort of. The evening ends with the grand finale: a screaming toddler, covered in chalk and some other sticky substance (which is thankfully not urine), and obviously on a sugar high from all of the treats he has gotten for successful potty trips; couple that with your giggly sprinkle of a baby on your hip... who you are now beginning to realize is leaking something warm, and thick, through her diaper and your shirt... change baby, wipe off changing pad (the cover to which has somehow vanished), hold baby while pulling out cloth diaper to put her on... Realize she has peed in the process creating a water slide of sorts, out of urine, g r e a t... Bath time. Put infant down on bath mat, just to have her roll over and pee on the tile... Seriously? Start the day chasing a toddler saying, "No no pee pee on floor, pee pee in potty!" just to have it end with the baby peeing on the floor.

All this to say toilet training is a L O N G process, but one which I am still determined to not go back on- I have come too far to revert back to diapers, no matter how desperately I am craving their simplicity!

Disclaimer: this state of mind may in fact change very shortly and the author of this post cannot be held liable for such a change should one take place.

Doing the potty dance

Coloring with Christopher Robin in his big boy undies

 

Snacks on the floor

 

Brother and sister playtime...

 

Napping Maddie- gah, bootie in the air!

 

 

 

Prayer for Avery

I mentioned baby Avery and her sweet strong family in my previous post. And I would like to do something for this family, but I need your help! I am proposing to make Saturday, April 21st a day of prayer for baby Avery.

I am asking for individuals, families, prayer groups to join together starting at 12:00 a.m. Central Time, for 30 minute stretches of prayer. Add fasting too if you are able and willing, and cover this family in prayer. Pray as you feel the Lord is leading you to pray, and commit to this only if you are serious.

I would ask that, once you have decided to commit, to put the time you will be praying (translated into Central Time. Ex: if you are in California and pray at 3:00 p.m., that is the 5:00 p.m. time-slot.)- you CAN sign up for more than one and there CAN be more than one sign ups per time- but try to sign up for times that have not yet been filled!, and to include your name in the response. A nickname is fine- just something for the family to be able to see a visual representation!

Optional things to include- your location (can be as general as a time zone or as specific as a city- no addresses please), and if you are also fasting you can choose to let the family know!- additional comments to the family and Avery should be posted to them on their blog

So, here are the time slots- I will update this as accurately as possible. Remember these are CENTRAL Times, please make the necessary calculations when signing up...

1. 12:00 a.m. - 12:30 a.m. : Erika P.
2. 12:30 a.m. - 1:00 a.m.
3. 1:00 a.m. - 1:30 a.m.
4. 1:30 a.m. - 2:00 a.m.
5. 2:00 a.m. - 2:30 a.m. : Jacquie H.
6. 2:30 a.m. - 3:00 a.m. : Amanda C.
7. 3:00 a.m. - 3:30 a.m.
8. 3:30 a.m. - 4:00 a.m.
9. 4:00 a.m. - 4:30 a.m.
10. 4:30 a.m. - 5:00 a.m.
11. 5:00 a.m. - 5:30 a.m. : Matt B.
12. 5:30 a.m. - 6:00 a.m. : Kathe B.
13. 6:00 a.m. - 6:30 a.m. : Adria F.
14. 6:30 a.m. - 7:00 a.m. : Emily B.
15. 7:00 a.m. - 7:30 a.m. : Robin R.
16. 7:30 a.m. - 8:00 a.m.
17. 8:00 a.m. - 8:30 a.m. : Jessica M.
18. 8:30 a.m. - 9:00 a.m. : Tasha F.
19. 9:00 a.m. - 9:30 a.m. : Ellen B.
20. 9:30 a.m. - 10:00 a.m. : David B.
21. 10:00 a.m. - 10:30 a.m. : Michelle F.
22. 10:30 a.m. - 11:00 a.m.
23. 11:00 a.m. - 11:30 a.m.
24. 11:30 a.m. - 12:00 p.m. : Tiffany T.
25. 12:00 p.m. - 12:30 p.m.
26. 12:30 p.m. - 1:00 p.m.
27. 1:00 p.m. - 1:30 p.m. : Melissa K.
28. 1:30 p.m. - 2:00 p.m. : Priscilla S.
29. 2:00 p.m. - 2:30 p.m. : Alicia W.
30. 2:30 p.m. - 3:00 p.m.
31. 3:00 p.m. - 3:30 p.m.
32. 3:30 p.m. - 4:00 p.m.
33. 4:00 p.m. - 4:30 p.m.
34. 4:30 p.m. - 5:00 p.m.
35. 5:00 p.m. - 5:30 p.m.
36. 5:30 p.m. - 6:00 p.m.
37. 6:00 p.m. - 6:30 p.m.
38. 6:30 p.m. - 7:00 p.m.
39. 7:00 p.m. - 7:30 p.m.
40. 7:30 p.m. - 8:00 p.m.
41. 8:00 p.m. - 8:30 p.m.
42. 8:30 p.m. - 9:00 p.m. : Hannah M.
43. 9:00 p.m. - 9:30 p.m. : Maggie B.
44. 9:30 p.m. - 10:00 p.m.
45. 10.00 p.m. - 10:30 p.m. : Ashley C.
46. 10:30 p.m. - 11:00 p.m.
47. 11:00 p.m. - 11:30 p.m.
48. 11:30 p.m. - 12:00 a.m.

Looking forward to joining in prayer with everyone for this precious baby girl and her family!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sometimes it's Days Like These...

Yesterday I felt like I was wonder-mommy. You know those days where it seems like you are doing everything right? Haha, oh the pride! I seriously take credit for the fact that both of my children were in a good enough mood that we could get in and out of a store in under thirty minutes... That I could finally really clean the house a little bit more than light sweeping... That BOTH kids took naps. At. The. Same. Time.  Talk about a breath of fresh air. And yeah, totally had to stop myself in the middle of the day...

My thoughts were along the lines of, "Look at me! I'm actually getting stuff done! Things are looking good... Heck, I'm looking good..." Y e a h... The trap of taking credit for a good day. I get trapped in that a lot. I also take blame for the bad days. Been there? The day falls to, well, you know... And you sit there looking at the mound of dirty underwear your toddler went through in under three hours, the infant who can't stay up for more than an hour and fifteen minutes at a time, and the entire house needing a good cleaning, again... Examine everything, and blame... myself.

But the fact is days are days. There will be good, and there will be bad, and there will be in-between days. And to seek Christ in the bad, praise Him in the good, and realize that sometimes what happens in a day is completely out of your control. Choose joy in the bad, be joyful (and take advantage) of the good, and really relish the time here... Because the days may be long, but the years are so short...

I was recently introduced to this family via a friend's link on Facebook to their blog. And, while crying desperately for this family, I wanted to go wake up my daughter and hold her close. My son peeing everywhere and belly laughing while doing so no longer seemed like the end of all ends. The reminder that life is precious, and sometimes much much much too short was harshly staring back at me from my computer screen.

I would encourage anyone and everyone to read this family's blog. Pray for this sweet baby girl and her incredible parents who have a strength I stand in awe at. Really, truly blown away by how this family has approached this time in their lives.