Sometimes it's Communication

Maddie adores Tucker. She can be lying on her play-mat completely fascinated by the giraffe hanging above her hand, but if she catches sight of brother's foot or hears brother's voice she begins contorting herself to try to get a better view of his antics. And most of the time I have to step in and shift her, because I am afraid she is going to dislocate her neck.

Meanwhile, Tucker has started telling people "hi." The only problem is he won't stop telling a person "hi" unless they leave the room or acknowledge him with a similar greeting. And sometimes it will just encourage him to either shout "hi," (if the person leaves), or continue a "hi" conversation (if the person engages). And that brings us to this morning.

This morning Tucker came and sat next to Maddie with a bowl of pretzels. Maddie craned her neck backwards trying to make eye contact with Tucker. He gently acknowledged her efforts by placing his hand on her head and repeating, "Hi, Maddie. Hi, Maddie." For about fifteen minutes this interaction lasted. Maddie would stick out her tongue, and I tried to explain to Tucker that that was how Maddie was saying "hi," but he didn't believe me I guess, because the "hi's" continued... until the pretzels became more intriguing.

Tucker's vocabulary has grown quite extensively, however, despite the fact that he has become fascinated with having a conversation made up entirely of greetings... Last night Tucker came to me and handed me his sippy cup. He then explained,

Tucker: "Go to get Igger."
Me: "Ok, you can get Tigger."
Tucker: expectant look
Me: "He's in your room, upstairs."
Tucker: "Okay!"
and then in a sing-song voice as he turns to head up the stairs
"Beeee right back! Right back!"

Nathan and I looked at each other and immediately started laughing. Hilarious! What flashed through my mind at that moment was all of the times, while running upstairs to grab something really quick, I would yell down to him, "I'll be right back, Tucker. I'll be right back!" It seems so natural for me to say it, but to hear him saying it sounded odd- like he was using "Grown-up" language instead of "little-kid-talk."

Sometimes it's the Refusal to Sleep

Tucker gave up his morning nap about the same time he started crawling. Five months old, and the little man would only sleep in the afternoon. He could be completely exhausted, falling apart at the seams for no reason whatsoever, but would refuse to sleep until after he had eaten lunch. And when that happened he would finally pass out for an average of three hours. His nighttime sleep was wonderful, however: 7 p.m. to 7 a.m. Every. Single. Night. Until thirteen months...

Thirteen months was when everything changed. Suddenly Tucker was screaming in the middle of the night, something we soon found out was the result of night terrors. Awful. Listening to your child screaming and not being able to comfort him- (since he was still asleep and crying the doctor advised the best thing to do was to let him cry it out. My touch could make everything a lot worse). Awesome. This night terror pattern took away from his blissful night's rest and ended up affecting him taking an afternoon nap. In other words, he began to fight me on going to bed... all of the time.

Fast forward to twenty-two months and we have this: a child who should be taking an early nap in the afternoon (all of the symptoms of exhaustion have started to show: tears for no reason, tantrums, falling into a heap of exhausted mess, and laying down on his love blanket in the middle of the floor...), but alas- when he is put to bed he suddenly perks right up. And for the next two hours I am making trips up the stairs to his room to beg, plead, bribe, and discipline him in every attempt to encourage sleep. When he finally gives in he sleeps for three hours. And Maddie wakes up.

Now the battle goes into nighttime sleep. I read the other day in a parenting book that getting your child(ren) on a predictable and regular schedule will aid them in going to bed happy and waking up happy- whether it's naps or bedtime, the kids should be happy. I sit on the couch, listening to my son's read-a-long bear saying "I'm momma bear. The book talks to me, and I answer. Press a button on the book to get started." And I am thinking, "Well, he's happy, but he is not going to sleep!" Meanwhile Maddie is screaming from her room- making it clear that the teenage years are going to be delightful- and making me seriously question what on earth the author of that book was using to bribe their children with.

Or maybe it's just me? Am I really the only one in mommy-world who has children who fight tooth and nail when it comes to sleep?

Sometimes it's Family

Last week was wonderful. The day after Christmas we loaded up our Mini and drove for three and a half hours to my Uncle's ranch outside of Bracketville, TX. A much needed break from city life- beautiful, wide open spaces; and a refreshing time of family, friends, and food. The blessing this last week was to my heart words cannot even begin to express. To have people genuinely love and care for my children, to watch my kids' faces light up with utmost joy, and to sit back and drink it all in. Bliss.

Tucker in front yard at Ranch

Surrounded by not only my family, but my brother's in-laws (whom all of us consider family, really), and friends- and watching every single person love on my children. Truly love on my children... I mean, wow. Mothers will know what I am talking about. Especially when you have your baby with you, and your arms are beginning to go numb from cradling her and quieting her, and then you have this friend come up and whisk her away. They bounce her, talk to her, and rock her until she calms or sleeps. And that constant on edge feeling melts away and I am able to just breath deep and enjoy being with family. Because, ultimately, everyone really is...

Nicholas and Tucker on stairs in lodge 

This last week I realized how much good Christian company is truly needed for a healthy life. You need the time to voice your honest feelings, and to have honest Christian counsel in return. Women need that. Men need that. Couples need that. And it truly is a release of burden and a restoration of health to be able to have that. I think that's why counselors are so great- it's so healthy, to just talk, and to not be judged for it, but to have guidance in all of it. To talk to an impartial party, and yet someone who can give you sound advice, or even just listen. It's refreshing.

Tucker "riding" Samson

Fresh air is also refreshing. I know that's kind of a "duh" statement... But being out on thousands of acres, not seeing another soul other than those who are already with you... Seeing rolling hills, and just untainted space. A break from the crowds and the electronics (did I mention there was extremely spotty internet?) - I didn't check email or get on a computer the whole week! I felt like I was back in Lake City... sigh


The only downside to going on a vacation is that now we have come home... And Tucker is sick- has a fever for the second time in his life- and that in and of itself is pretty exhausting. But I am also discovering how draining homesickness can be. Maybe not so much for the city of Houston, more-so the people of Houston. So here's a "Hello" to all of our friends and family living there. Know we miss you all, and feel blessed to call you "friend," "family," "brother," and "sister."

Tucker sound asleep on ottoman in bedroom

Sometimes it's Four Calls to the Doctor

Starting a week ago Saturday Maddie began to have a cough... And by Sunday she sounded horrible. We took her to the pediatrician only to find out that it sounded a whole lot worse than it actually was but that it had a chance of developing into RSV, and that we should keep an eye out for fevers, shortness of breath, trouble breathing, rapid breathing, etc. Just what every mother wants to hear a week before the Christmas holidays...

Tuesday came around and by then Maddie and I were both sick. Coughing, congested, and miserable. She sounded much worse, and would get into coughing spells that ended with her throwing up. Yeah, back to the doctor we went. It was now considered bronchiolitis, and they tried to give her a breathing treatment but her body didn't respond to it. There was nothing else they could do, except sit in steam showers with her and try to give her a nasal saline spray.

Wednesday morning Tucker falls off of a stool at his grandparent's house and hits his head on their tile floor. Call me overly cautious but head injuries just don't sit well with me, so, you guessed it, back to the doctor we went! With no change in Maddie (for the worse or for the better), and with Tucker now being home but needing to be monitored for a 24 period to rule out concussion, etc., our little life was becoming a tad exhausting.

In the middle of the night, probably sometime around 3 in the morning on Thursday I got Maddie and put her in the steam shower again. She was having a vicious round of coughing and throwing up, and I was desperate to get her relief. The glass in the shower completely fogged over. The steam so thick it was hard to breath, and I watched Maddie anxiously wanting to see some sign that this made her feel better. Maddie sat laid down in her bathing seat, and I watched as her sides came in and she wheezed. She was having such a hard time breathing, but I watched as her face relaxed a bit and she closed her eyes. She seemed less panicky about taking breaths, and for the time being she had found some relief. I watched her with heavy eyes pleading silent prayers that we would all be well in the morning. My mind kept jumping to next year, when both kids will be sleeping through the night, when Tucker will (hopefully) be potty trained, when both kids will be walking, when both kids will be able to communicate, when I naively believe that life will be simpler, ha-ha...

But in the midst of that I reminded myself of something I know will be true. One day, I have no doubt, I would gladly relive sitting in the shower in the middle of the night with a sick baby. One day life will be much different, maybe one day when my children are grown and out of the house, I will long for the day I stayed up all night trying to nurse my daughter back to health. And I am sure I will have many more sick-capades before that time comes, but I know it will. The day will come when I would gladly relive this past week...

It's hard to be thankful and to feel blessed in the midst of hardship. It is one of the most difficult things for my heart to do. But I am blessed to have two adorable children, and that doesn't change when they and I are sick. I am blessed when my life is made more trying on account of them, and blessed when my life is made more complete because of them. I am blessed - even in the midst of sickness and exhaustion, in the midst of tears and tantrums, when my children are teething or smiling, when they are cooing or screaming - I remain blessed. Some moments are easier to see the blessings in than others.... Like a lot easier.

Tucker and Maddie at the Doctor's Office. 

(And, just in case you were wondering, we did go back to the doctor on Thursday to make sure Maddie's sides going in and under her ribs wasn't something to be concerned about.) She is still coughing but she is having a more normal diaper count and still has not run a temperature (praise!). Tucker did not have a concussion, but has begun to have a cough, so still praying he doesn't contract the virus Maddie and I have had.... I am doing MUCH better after finally receiving medicine (another praise!). And Nathan has remained untouched by sickness (huge praise!). So despite the fact that these last, eleven, days of Christmas have not been looked on with fondness from me, hopefully our little family is on the downhill side of sickness and will be able to enjoy the Christmas holiday together... Healthily. 

Sometimes it's Emotional Blackmail

Tucker dislikes sleep. With a passion that is rather impressive for someone his size. And, up until this point in time I battled with him screaming, kicking, crying, and pulling his hair out. After months of these tactics he has decided it is time to re-think his strategy... And let me just say his new attack works a whole lot better than the screaming. 

In a quiet, whimpering cute voice he asks tentatively, "Cuddle?" Heart. Melts. Yeah, kid, you win. I get him and lay down with him next to me. He waits until I am almost drifting off to sleep before he slowly starts to raise his head up, then he giggles, and jumps up, basically proclaiming, "Let the festivities begin! Nap has been defeated!" 

I groan, and scoop him up- this time with a new found resolve to put him in bed and let him stay there. As I turn to the door he sits up on his knees and again, quietly, with a little more of a quiver to his voice asks, "Mommy?" I turn around to face him... even though I know that's taking the bait. And he continues, "Mommy, cuddle?" Seriously, is my son a con-artist? He has learned all too early that he has a special hold on my heart, and he shamelessly exploits it every chance he gets. Awesome. 

Sometimes it's Amnesia

There is a condition I have come to discover called "Mother's Amnesia," or "Mommy Brain." I truly belive thatheir hour this condition the human race would not survive. And, bonus, it is God's blessing to mothers around the world! All of a sudden there is now an excuse for why you forgot your coffee was on top of the car as you pulled out of your parking space. Suddenly a free pass has fallen into your lap. If you have forgotten something, misplaced an item, or have let the ball drop on a few daily chores- there is a perfectly good and acceptable excuse: temporary amnesia.

Husbands will undoubtedly tease you on your new found mental condition, and you can act as offended as you like by the accusations, but that doesn't mean you aren't grateful for the excuse... And sometimes maybe even exploit it a bit on purpose?

Mommy Brain can show in a variety of ways. Some are ways we wish it didn't affect us- the simple act of forgetting to perform an everyday task like laundry until you are opening your drawer to get dressed ... only to realize that all of your clothes for the season are lying in a heap in the back corner of your closet. Others are ways we are more grateful for: like the fact that the pain of pregnancy and birth become vague memories- the pain not something we truly remember until we are back in the delivery room. Recently I have discovered another such wonderful instance of motherhood amnesia.

It is called the chosen smile. That moment when your little pink wonderful looks at you, eyes wide, and your body begins to brace itself, ears try to close a bit, because the fear of another crying period commencing is just too great... And then it happens, the lips curl up, and instead of a scream it almost looks like a giggle. And your heart just melts. Maddie has recently begun to experiment with this form of communication, and it has done something to my heart.

All of a sudden, she looks at me and smiles, moving her mouth around like she is trying to laugh at the now shocked look on my face. And my heart melts. In an instant I go from my teeth on edge to laughing tears. Suddenly I have no recollection of the past couple months, my memory goes blank, and I just smile in relaxation. My muscles unclench, my face smooths out, and my heart is happy. A taste of joy, that's what it is, when you realize that your child is choosing to smile at you. And, as I feel my body changing and drinking in this refreshing time, I realize that I have no idea why I was so tense to begin with...

(sigh)

Mommy Amnesia. What a gift.

Sometimes it's Cabin Fever

The month of December has finally convinced our city to allow its citizens the option to wear coats and scarves without burning up. In other words it is finally starting to feel like winter fall. At the same time i am finding that it is not so wonderful... with the cold air has come some rather dreary and rainy days. And, here in Austin, there aren't too many places to take a 21 month old to play in doors. At this time last year, Tucker and I would escape to the malls in Houston, in which we would find baby friendly play-scapes that would easily entertain for a couple of hours- especially at the Galleria. But I have looked high and low for some such place here, and am at a loss. (If anyone knows of a good place, please let me know!) and the hardest part of all is an indoor play area is doubly needed this year.

I am finding that even on days like today, in which the sun is shining and it seems so inviting to go out in the invigorating air, I am still not wanting baby Maddie to be out doors for too long. Which is problematic because Tucker could probably stay outside all day. The indoors are giving him cabin fever, and I am beginning to be desperate for a safe place for him to go out and run around in. I guess I could always just keep an eye on him in the back yard... But then what to do when it is the bad weather days?

So far we have...
- painted the top of our table with chalkboard paint (to enable chalk drawings even when we can't go outside)
- driven around and looked at the exact same sets of Christmas lights the past few nights
- completely ransacked the playroom, to the point where I am not sure it will fully recover
And
- transported a way too large pile of toys to the living room floor

Tucker has also tried to play catch with tennis balls... with Maddie, hidden his pacifiers (which I still cannot find) along with Maddie's pacifiers (which I found in one of the trashcans), hidden his love blanket (found in the pantry), and pulled all of the wipes out of the case- then put them in the diaper pail. This morning was the topper of the day as Tucker attempted to ride his fire truck down the stairs- something he has been trying to do the past couple of weeks to no avail.

In other words I am finding that my favorite time of year - due to the wonderful clothes and the refreshment the cold air brings - is failing me. Because of all of the wonderful things that come with the winter months (which is a very long and beautiful list), there is a wanting for an easy outdoor entertainment solution, one that would accommodate a stay at home mom with a two month old and an almost twenty-two month old...