9 Months (and counting)...

My son just had his 9 month check up today. For the first time he recognized the nurse, and immediately there were water works. The wailing lasted for the better part of the visit, which is understandable considering the finger pricking, the shots, and the basic checkup procedures. It's at times like that when I wish I could communicate with my tiny little one- I want to be able to explain that the nurse isn't trying to be mean, the doctor isn't trying to make him uncomfortable, and essentially that he needs his immunizations.

Immunizations aren't the only things I would like to be able to communicate with my child about. I would also love to be able to know why he cries when he wakes up in the middle of the night whimpering, (is it because he is scared? Did he have a bad dream? Is he too cold or too hot? Can he not find his pacifier? Is he thirsty?) And then I have to exhale slowly, do my best to soothe him, and tell myself that soon enough he will be able to communicate more than I will want him to. It's a process, one big learning process; and, for the most part, no one ever "graduates."

Holding my son's hands as he lies down on the doctor's examination table receiving his shots I feel horrible. His eyes fill with huge drops of tears, and it seems to me as though he is begging me to help him. The pain that hits me in that moment cuts deep, and my heart breaks for my son.

Sometimes I wonder what would happen if the women, the couples, and even the families wrestling with the choices of how to handle an unplanned pregnancy could see that unborn child's eyes well up with tears- if they could see that plea in the baby's eyes, what would be their choice?