Because Sometimes You Can't be Peter Pan...

"I want to be like Peter Pan. I don't want to grow up. When it's time to be a man, I'm not gonna' show up," is probably one of my top favorites from the movie "Hook" with Robin Williams. Love that movie. Love anything about Peter Pan, really.

I'm one of those people who got slightly depressed at the thought of turning 20. Yep, you read that right: 2 0. Not having "teen" in my age really made me feel I was growing up way too fast. I wanted to stay child forever. I wanted that since as long as I can remember. I guess somehow I knew from a very young age that adulthood came with tons more responsibility and a lot less carefreeness.

This week I feel as though I have taken yet another step away from childhood and have become a little more grounded in adulthood... We have parted with something that held memories of the past two and a half plus years... And why is it that we get so attached to worldly things? Why do we attach such strong emotion to something that isn't going to last for more than an earthly time? ... Because, really, it's just a c a r. 

But it was fun. And it was red.

And my son learned to "help" his daddy every time they washed it together... 

They learned to "drive"... and of course were super excited about that... 

And then there's this. just. this.

We became creative, to say the least, when it came to packing for road trips. 

Found a double stroller that actually fit in the "boot" of the car- with space to spare for diaper bag (phil&ted's classic - with a backpack style diaper bag). 

And realized the many uses of a sunroof (like opening it on the highway to drown out the noises of two screaming, tantrum throwing, nap refusing toddlers). 

But alas, our newest addition's impending day of birth has forced us a step further into adulthood. re: we had to get a "legitimate" family car... 

So this is adieu to our spunky little Mini Cooper, and aloha to our able-to-seat-7 (but still has a sunroof!) family car - it's a tad bittersweet... 

...but my hubby did steal me a memento... so there is that :) 

Three Musketeers are Exhausting

I always wanted to be a mom. There was something about the childhood years that I always felt a kindred spirit with. Babysitting was a hobby to me. I loved exploring the world through a three year old's eyes. The newness of everything, the innocence they could see... the unfaltering faith of that age gave me many times over a freshness of face when dealing with issues I saw as "end of the world," type issues... And of course, they weren't. 

The perspective that little tiny humans can have- these first years of life are so incredible. It sometimes blows my mind if I sit and think about just how unattached my son is to worldly things, and how much more it means to him to go out into nature and just be. His contentment at simple things is refreshing. As is my daughter's. 

But, despite this refreshment, the reminders of the goodness of life, and the perspective of toddlers... Being a mom is hard. Being a wife is hard. Being a daughter is hard. Being a friend is hard. Being a light in this world for His name's sake... it's hard. 

I don't know how many married women with infants in the house wake up on a daily basis and can fully and joyfully give their day solely to Him who created it... I am not among that number, however big or small it is. Having children has made me more jealous of my time. I cling to it as though it is my freedom, my lifeline, my hope. I really do. I list everything I do (careful to avoid everything I don't get done) and say "I deserve some quality all 'me to myself' time." And I feel as though I have been deprived of something when I don't receive it. 

Raising kids is exhausting. Physically, mentally, and emotionally. Just the other day Tucker started the "Why?" phase. And let me tell you, after 6 hours of that question I was ready to rip my hair out and lock myself in my room. I think the only thing that stopped me was the fact my room is not sound proof, and I still would have been able to hear him asking, "Why?!" 

I ask him not to do something (like: Don't throw things at your sister!) and he responds with: Why? (without actually stopping the action) and continues to repeat "Why?" no matter how I respond... Exhaustion. 

Over the Christmas holidays Maddie slept in the room in her portacrib, Tucker was in a different room... And Maddie snores. Needless to say, I did not get much rest. Especially when she woke up at five in the morning every morning making her motor noise trying to soothe herself. Exhaustion. 

And then there's the big thing. I'm fourteen weeks pregnant. Yep. Fourteen weeks. Need I say more? Exhaustion!

And morning pregnancy sickness has been taking it's toll. Big time. So, while gagging at the turkey that I feed my kids for lunch, stressing out over the little insignificant things of this world, listening to my son ask me "Why?" for the twelfth time that day (and knowing that whatever he wants to know I can't answer to his satisfaction), all while going on sleep that has been disrupted multiple times by a child waking up... or by the need to use the bathroom... I hear one thing over and over in my mind, "I need a vacation." 

Like when you are depressed and the only thing you can think is, "I'm tired... I'm tired... I'm T I R E D." Repeating it over and over doesn't help, it makes it worse. With each repetition your eyelids feel a little bit heavier, until finally you are sound asleep, most likely in a very uncomfortable position. Repeating the phrase, "I need a vacation... I need a vacation... I need a V A C A T I O N." Over and over again, dreaming about a remote bungalow on a deserted beach somewhere, and thinking about not hearing a crying child for a week, (at minimum)... That, doesn't help. It changes nothing. Helps with nothing. Feeds depression. 

So, here I sit, awaiting the inevitable arrival of our third little musketeer, sometime in the beginning of July, (yay firework baby!) ... Listening to my son ask me "Why?" in response to something I told him not to do (not sure what it was, but no matter, he's just going to ask me the same question when I answer him anyways), and watching my daughter stand up in the middle of the room as she contemplates what taking her first step will look like (and then promptly sits back down... maybe next time kid)... 

With all that said, 
Hello 2013, glad you could make it. And welcome... 

to CrAzY.

Elect the Right to Life

This last Sunday wrapped up the "Adoption" series our church, The Austin Stone, was teaching on. A three week series that delved into what it meant to be adopted into the family of God, to be coheirs with Christ, and what that means for us today. We went through how salvation isn't just being plucked from the depths of sin, how it isn't just being saved and redeemed in Him, but how it is so much more than that. We have been received into God's family. Our inheritance is one in the same with Christ.

God's heart for the orphan and the widow is so powerful and poignant that He places the calling of care for these people groups on His children. We are called to care for the orphan and the widow. To suffer with them in such a way as Christ suffers with us.

Adoption has become something the world sees celebrities doing, something that is accompanied by accolades and awe- something that maybe we see the common person unable to partake in because they cannot possibly serve the orphan on their own- with no help financially, or otherwise. But we are all called to care for the orphan. To help those that are called to the act of adoption by answering the call to give financially or to be trained in respit care.

With election day here, staring us down, my facebook wall has been exploding... How's yours holding up? A lot of my feed is people either stating "vote" or posting articles on what's important to vote about. I saw one article talking about how scripturally the abortion rights isn't something that is as important as the other issues. Here, I have to disagree.

If the orphan is so important and close to God's heart, how could a child's life being terminated because they are unwanted (they are fatherless) not be something that is of the utmost importance? Women should have rights, yes. Men should have rights, yes. Blacks, yes. Whites, yes. Asians, yes. Latinos, yes. No discrimination. But here is my question to you- why on earth is it the woman's decision to give birth to a child? She most likely already decided to create life by partaking in sex- that is most definitely a woman's right. (And if not then that act of violence against her needs to have severe consequences). She doesn't get to play a role that is strictly meant for God in heaven. I'm sorry, that is not something the state should be able to decide either. Terminate this idea that it is "human rights" to decide who lives and who dies based on who is "fatherless." Stop terminating them just because they are fatherless, motherless, parentless.

First sermon: http://austinstone.org/sermons/item/rescued-by-love


Second sermon: http://austinstone.org/sermons/item/rescued-by-love-2

Third sermon: http://austinstone.org/sermons/item/adopted-the-cost-of-love




 

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Sometimes it's the Mourning

There is a time for mourning. As a child I would cry about children being abandoned in China. I cry when I read a good book. I cry when I watch a good movie. I cry. And as a mother I cry now more than ever...

As most, if not all, of you have probably heard or read or seen by now, baby Avery passed away from this world on April thirtieth. And I wept as though I had lost a close and dear friend, or rather my closest friend had lost her child. The way Avery's parents shared their story with the world, the way they gave their five month old daughter a voice- one that hundreds of thousands of people have been able to hear and respond to.

I am blown away by the strength the Canahuati family responded to Avery's diagnosis. They hadn't been wrestling with the horror of SMA and what that would mean for their child since she was born. They became aware of their daughter's disease and jumped into telling her story. They made it a priority to LIVE life with their precious baby girl, and to share those moments with anyone who would listen. They welcomed us into their homes, and made us feel like we were living life with Avery.

The news of her life ending stopped the breath in my lungs. It hit me like a semi-truck. And then, I wept. Heart wrenching gutteral sobs over a life that ended. Far. Too. Short. I never met her, but I feel like I know her. I feel like I have had that mother to mother conversation with the remarkably corageous woman who is her mommy. It's as though they are dear friends, and we are mourning this loss as we would an intimate relation.

(Baby Avery's last picture, still smiling)

And so, at a time like this, words have escaped me. I want to say something, but there is nothing to say. I want to give something, send something, but what? Avery's blog is still keeping everyone informed on ways to donate to the cause for finding a cure and spreading awareness of SMA. And, if you too are struggling with wanting to surround this family with support but are unsure of what to do or where to start... You can start with a donation, one that will be matched dollar for dollar for up to $500,000.00. Read her blog for more of the details. And continue to share this child's story with anyone and everyone. Talk to your child's pediatrician about newborn checkups, talk to your obgyn about getting tested to see if you are a carrier, talk to the hospital you deliver in, talk to your insurance company, talk to the stranger in the checkout line.

Continue in prayer and support for this amazing family who have taken an unfathomable heartbreak, and used it joyfully to make a difference in the world of today. I did not have the blessing of meeting baby Avery in her lifetime here on earth, but I must admit I look forward to meeting her one day... Don't you?

 

 

Sometimes We Go to the Zoo...

A week visiting the family in Houston wouldn't be complete without a trip to the zoo...

Tucker wanted to ride the Heffalumps...

Heffalumps give high-fives!

Watching the Heffalumps...

Tucker wanted to get into the exhibit... With the chimpanzees...

Maddie poses. Giraffe poses.

Maddie's favorites!

Riding the caterpillar on the carousel...

 

 

Tucker riding the panda bear with Mia!

 

Sometimes it's a Heart Issue

Ever have one of those moments where you read, hear, or see someone doing something and you feel like patting yourself on the back? It's one of those instances where you feel good about yourself, because that doesn't describe you at all, at least not anymore, right? Yeah, totally had one of those moments today. In church. Of course, where else would a person feel like they are better than the rest of the people listening to the exact same teaching in the exact same building?

The preacher was using words like "hostile," ,

"And you, who once were alienated and hostile in mind, doing evil deeds..." - Colossians 1:21

My response? "Oh, I have never even been there, and doubt I ever will be..." it was a type of deep hearted musing- the kind that is only discovered when you dare to explore the inner confined thought of your soul. But it was there nevertheless. It's like I accepted I was a sinner, accepted I was imperfect, but evil? I mean, that's kind of harsh... Isn't it? Ever been there?

We live in a culture of entitlement. Our initial response to our clothing, food, and shelter seems to be "it's not enough," and that mindset leads to the heart condition of coveting. Which, if you know your ten commandments, you know that you just stepped into the deep end of the wrong pool. But we have taken have these commandments and twisted them into socially accepted behaviors.

The media goes as far as to idolize the distorting of them to the point where we will drink gossip as though it is the oxygen to our very souls. We teach to coveteousness to children and it becomes the social norm because the adults in society are continually growing their children up in a materialistic world view under the heading, "dreams for my child's future." We lust, and are encouraged in that- even more than that we consider someone a prude if they haven't. We hate- Yankees, rednecks, beauty queens, jocks, geeks, gays, blacks, whites- we conditionally love only those who we desire to be loved by.

The culture that surrounds us on every side has allowed us to love our sin. Like a child loves his poop filled diaper as it oozes and surrounds him- the thoughts being, "Yeah, it may be stinky, but it's warm and it's mine!" Oh. Dear. ...It's a matter of the heart. God is after our hearts. The underlying cause behind people's actions is the heart of the person in question. Why Jesus compares hating someone to murdering them, or lusting after someone to committing adultery. If it happens in the heart, it is a sin. And a sin is a sin is a sin. And sin is evil. Therefore, at one point in time in this life we were each "doing evil deeds," with nothing keeping us from reproach.

We pursue the "happyness" instead of the joyfullness. I love what Matt Chandler said in his sermon that we watched this morning. He said this, "Happiness is impossibly fragile- touch it, and it's gone." And then he explained that, "Joy has extremely deep roots. It is immovable." Joy is not hindered by the things of this life. Joy is founded in Christ. But happiness exists in a moment, and as soon as it is, it is no longer.


Ready for the rest of the verse? Yeah, I was too.

"he has now reconciled in his body of flesh by his death, in order to present you holy and blameless and above reproach before him,

IF

indeed you continue in the faith, stable and steadfast, not shifting from the hope of the gospel that you heard which has been proclaimed in all creation under heaven..."

- Colossians 22-23 (emphasis mine)

Amen.

 

Sometimes it's Not Like

In Maddie's eyes I am currently unable to do anything wrong... With the exception of leaving her alone in her room for nap time. Any song I sing in my off key way has her smiling and cooing. Any food I feed her she at least tries to eat. A book, it doesn't matter which, has her practically jumping for joy between pictures and words. It doesn't take a lot to entertain, and unless she is tired, she is happy.

Tucker is a toddler. A toddler who just learned the phrase, "I don't like..." And now I hear it all the time. "I don't like that book," and he tosses it aside. "I don't like that song," as he walks away from my singing. "I don't like that," as he lets the toy fall through his fingers, or throws the piece of food. "I don't like that plate," as he pushes my efforts away from him with a look of disinterest bordering disgust. "I don't like mommy." Those. Words. Hurt.

Living a life of sacrifice is easy when you are sacrificing for people who sacrifice for you. It's wonderful even. To sacrifice on a daily, constant, basis for self-indulgent, self-serving, self-centered people is not easy. And yet that's what we are called to do, after all isn't that what being Christ-like looks like? Doesn't He love me, you, and all of the world, despite the fact that at the end of the day how many of us by our actions tell Him, "I love you," and how many of us are actually saying, "I don't like you..."