Sometimes it's Four Calls to the Doctor

Starting a week ago Saturday Maddie began to have a cough... And by Sunday she sounded horrible. We took her to the pediatrician only to find out that it sounded a whole lot worse than it actually was but that it had a chance of developing into RSV, and that we should keep an eye out for fevers, shortness of breath, trouble breathing, rapid breathing, etc. Just what every mother wants to hear a week before the Christmas holidays...

Tuesday came around and by then Maddie and I were both sick. Coughing, congested, and miserable. She sounded much worse, and would get into coughing spells that ended with her throwing up. Yeah, back to the doctor we went. It was now considered bronchiolitis, and they tried to give her a breathing treatment but her body didn't respond to it. There was nothing else they could do, except sit in steam showers with her and try to give her a nasal saline spray.

Wednesday morning Tucker falls off of a stool at his grandparent's house and hits his head on their tile floor. Call me overly cautious but head injuries just don't sit well with me, so, you guessed it, back to the doctor we went! With no change in Maddie (for the worse or for the better), and with Tucker now being home but needing to be monitored for a 24 period to rule out concussion, etc., our little life was becoming a tad exhausting.

In the middle of the night, probably sometime around 3 in the morning on Thursday I got Maddie and put her in the steam shower again. She was having a vicious round of coughing and throwing up, and I was desperate to get her relief. The glass in the shower completely fogged over. The steam so thick it was hard to breath, and I watched Maddie anxiously wanting to see some sign that this made her feel better. Maddie sat laid down in her bathing seat, and I watched as her sides came in and she wheezed. She was having such a hard time breathing, but I watched as her face relaxed a bit and she closed her eyes. She seemed less panicky about taking breaths, and for the time being she had found some relief. I watched her with heavy eyes pleading silent prayers that we would all be well in the morning. My mind kept jumping to next year, when both kids will be sleeping through the night, when Tucker will (hopefully) be potty trained, when both kids will be walking, when both kids will be able to communicate, when I naively believe that life will be simpler, ha-ha...

But in the midst of that I reminded myself of something I know will be true. One day, I have no doubt, I would gladly relive sitting in the shower in the middle of the night with a sick baby. One day life will be much different, maybe one day when my children are grown and out of the house, I will long for the day I stayed up all night trying to nurse my daughter back to health. And I am sure I will have many more sick-capades before that time comes, but I know it will. The day will come when I would gladly relive this past week...

It's hard to be thankful and to feel blessed in the midst of hardship. It is one of the most difficult things for my heart to do. But I am blessed to have two adorable children, and that doesn't change when they and I are sick. I am blessed when my life is made more trying on account of them, and blessed when my life is made more complete because of them. I am blessed - even in the midst of sickness and exhaustion, in the midst of tears and tantrums, when my children are teething or smiling, when they are cooing or screaming - I remain blessed. Some moments are easier to see the blessings in than others.... Like a lot easier.

Tucker and Maddie at the Doctor's Office. 

(And, just in case you were wondering, we did go back to the doctor on Thursday to make sure Maddie's sides going in and under her ribs wasn't something to be concerned about.) She is still coughing but she is having a more normal diaper count and still has not run a temperature (praise!). Tucker did not have a concussion, but has begun to have a cough, so still praying he doesn't contract the virus Maddie and I have had.... I am doing MUCH better after finally receiving medicine (another praise!). And Nathan has remained untouched by sickness (huge praise!). So despite the fact that these last, eleven, days of Christmas have not been looked on with fondness from me, hopefully our little family is on the downhill side of sickness and will be able to enjoy the Christmas holiday together... Healthily. 

Sometimes it's Emotional Blackmail

Tucker dislikes sleep. With a passion that is rather impressive for someone his size. And, up until this point in time I battled with him screaming, kicking, crying, and pulling his hair out. After months of these tactics he has decided it is time to re-think his strategy... And let me just say his new attack works a whole lot better than the screaming. 

In a quiet, whimpering cute voice he asks tentatively, "Cuddle?" Heart. Melts. Yeah, kid, you win. I get him and lay down with him next to me. He waits until I am almost drifting off to sleep before he slowly starts to raise his head up, then he giggles, and jumps up, basically proclaiming, "Let the festivities begin! Nap has been defeated!" 

I groan, and scoop him up- this time with a new found resolve to put him in bed and let him stay there. As I turn to the door he sits up on his knees and again, quietly, with a little more of a quiver to his voice asks, "Mommy?" I turn around to face him... even though I know that's taking the bait. And he continues, "Mommy, cuddle?" Seriously, is my son a con-artist? He has learned all too early that he has a special hold on my heart, and he shamelessly exploits it every chance he gets. Awesome. 

Sometimes it's Amnesia

There is a condition I have come to discover called "Mother's Amnesia," or "Mommy Brain." I truly belive thatheir hour this condition the human race would not survive. And, bonus, it is God's blessing to mothers around the world! All of a sudden there is now an excuse for why you forgot your coffee was on top of the car as you pulled out of your parking space. Suddenly a free pass has fallen into your lap. If you have forgotten something, misplaced an item, or have let the ball drop on a few daily chores- there is a perfectly good and acceptable excuse: temporary amnesia.

Husbands will undoubtedly tease you on your new found mental condition, and you can act as offended as you like by the accusations, but that doesn't mean you aren't grateful for the excuse... And sometimes maybe even exploit it a bit on purpose?

Mommy Brain can show in a variety of ways. Some are ways we wish it didn't affect us- the simple act of forgetting to perform an everyday task like laundry until you are opening your drawer to get dressed ... only to realize that all of your clothes for the season are lying in a heap in the back corner of your closet. Others are ways we are more grateful for: like the fact that the pain of pregnancy and birth become vague memories- the pain not something we truly remember until we are back in the delivery room. Recently I have discovered another such wonderful instance of motherhood amnesia.

It is called the chosen smile. That moment when your little pink wonderful looks at you, eyes wide, and your body begins to brace itself, ears try to close a bit, because the fear of another crying period commencing is just too great... And then it happens, the lips curl up, and instead of a scream it almost looks like a giggle. And your heart just melts. Maddie has recently begun to experiment with this form of communication, and it has done something to my heart.

All of a sudden, she looks at me and smiles, moving her mouth around like she is trying to laugh at the now shocked look on my face. And my heart melts. In an instant I go from my teeth on edge to laughing tears. Suddenly I have no recollection of the past couple months, my memory goes blank, and I just smile in relaxation. My muscles unclench, my face smooths out, and my heart is happy. A taste of joy, that's what it is, when you realize that your child is choosing to smile at you. And, as I feel my body changing and drinking in this refreshing time, I realize that I have no idea why I was so tense to begin with...

(sigh)

Mommy Amnesia. What a gift.

Sometimes it's Cabin Fever

The month of December has finally convinced our city to allow its citizens the option to wear coats and scarves without burning up. In other words it is finally starting to feel like winter fall. At the same time i am finding that it is not so wonderful... with the cold air has come some rather dreary and rainy days. And, here in Austin, there aren't too many places to take a 21 month old to play in doors. At this time last year, Tucker and I would escape to the malls in Houston, in which we would find baby friendly play-scapes that would easily entertain for a couple of hours- especially at the Galleria. But I have looked high and low for some such place here, and am at a loss. (If anyone knows of a good place, please let me know!) and the hardest part of all is an indoor play area is doubly needed this year.

I am finding that even on days like today, in which the sun is shining and it seems so inviting to go out in the invigorating air, I am still not wanting baby Maddie to be out doors for too long. Which is problematic because Tucker could probably stay outside all day. The indoors are giving him cabin fever, and I am beginning to be desperate for a safe place for him to go out and run around in. I guess I could always just keep an eye on him in the back yard... But then what to do when it is the bad weather days?

So far we have...
- painted the top of our table with chalkboard paint (to enable chalk drawings even when we can't go outside)
- driven around and looked at the exact same sets of Christmas lights the past few nights
- completely ransacked the playroom, to the point where I am not sure it will fully recover
And
- transported a way too large pile of toys to the living room floor

Tucker has also tried to play catch with tennis balls... with Maddie, hidden his pacifiers (which I still cannot find) along with Maddie's pacifiers (which I found in one of the trashcans), hidden his love blanket (found in the pantry), and pulled all of the wipes out of the case- then put them in the diaper pail. This morning was the topper of the day as Tucker attempted to ride his fire truck down the stairs- something he has been trying to do the past couple of weeks to no avail.

In other words I am finding that my favorite time of year - due to the wonderful clothes and the refreshment the cold air brings - is failing me. Because of all of the wonderful things that come with the winter months (which is a very long and beautiful list), there is a wanting for an easy outdoor entertainment solution, one that would accommodate a stay at home mom with a two month old and an almost twenty-two month old...

Sometimes it's a Car Trip

The busiest travel day of the year has been said to be the day before Thanksgiving. And, after last week's travelling escapades I now understand why. A trip that normally takes two and a half to three hours was prolonged by two hours of bumper to bumper traffic and one hour of stand still traffic. That's right, a three hour trip became six hours. Add a toddler with a thorough dislike for long car trips and an infant needing to nurse every three hours, and put them along with all of our luggage in a Mini Cooper and you begin to get a taste for what is now my family's most disliked travel day of the year. I may have come to this conclusion sooner had I been more prone in the past to travel the day before Thanksgiving, but alas I charted new territory this year.

From now on I believe I will try extra hard to have my family leave the WEEKEND before Thanksgiving. A guarantee to run into as little traffic as possible.

And now, with Thanksgiving behind us, the blow up yard Santa across the street from our neighborhood (along with the Christmas lights and wreaths that we're already beginning to make their debuts) doesn't look so out of place. Carols are ushering in this season on almost every radio station, and with this I am beginning to come to the realization of just how costly the "giving" season really is. To fill stockings, buy gifts, put up a tree, and string lights - not to mention getting Christmas pictures taken and sending out cards to loved ones - I honestly don't know how people do it year after year... I guess the philosophy of storing up presents throughout the year, like a squirrel with acorns, is the easiest on the checkbook... Think I will implement that next year. And, if anyone has any ideas on hit stocking stuffers for toddlers and infants (and husbands) that won't break the bank so to speak I am all ears! Because is it natural for the stocking stuffers to cost more than their actual gift?

Luckily Tucker is still easily entertained- the kid is happy with acorns and chalk, and trips to the park- the problem is me. I see cute things I know he would go crazy about and before I know it I am having to restrain myself from using all of our Christmas budget (ok it hasn't gotten THAT bad, but close). Don't worry, I emptied the shopping card and reminded myself of my son's easily contented personality. Does giving to kids an excessive amount more than they truly need eventually teach them to not be content with a little? Does it make them greedy? Am I greedy on my children's behalf? Ouch. I guess before this holiday season gets under full swing I need to take a step back myself and try to determine the line between a thoughtful gift, and greedy gifting- something I didn't know existed until now :)