Sometimes it's Four Calls to the Doctor

Starting a week ago Saturday Maddie began to have a cough... And by Sunday she sounded horrible. We took her to the pediatrician only to find out that it sounded a whole lot worse than it actually was but that it had a chance of developing into RSV, and that we should keep an eye out for fevers, shortness of breath, trouble breathing, rapid breathing, etc. Just what every mother wants to hear a week before the Christmas holidays...

Tuesday came around and by then Maddie and I were both sick. Coughing, congested, and miserable. She sounded much worse, and would get into coughing spells that ended with her throwing up. Yeah, back to the doctor we went. It was now considered bronchiolitis, and they tried to give her a breathing treatment but her body didn't respond to it. There was nothing else they could do, except sit in steam showers with her and try to give her a nasal saline spray.

Wednesday morning Tucker falls off of a stool at his grandparent's house and hits his head on their tile floor. Call me overly cautious but head injuries just don't sit well with me, so, you guessed it, back to the doctor we went! With no change in Maddie (for the worse or for the better), and with Tucker now being home but needing to be monitored for a 24 period to rule out concussion, etc., our little life was becoming a tad exhausting.

In the middle of the night, probably sometime around 3 in the morning on Thursday I got Maddie and put her in the steam shower again. She was having a vicious round of coughing and throwing up, and I was desperate to get her relief. The glass in the shower completely fogged over. The steam so thick it was hard to breath, and I watched Maddie anxiously wanting to see some sign that this made her feel better. Maddie sat laid down in her bathing seat, and I watched as her sides came in and she wheezed. She was having such a hard time breathing, but I watched as her face relaxed a bit and she closed her eyes. She seemed less panicky about taking breaths, and for the time being she had found some relief. I watched her with heavy eyes pleading silent prayers that we would all be well in the morning. My mind kept jumping to next year, when both kids will be sleeping through the night, when Tucker will (hopefully) be potty trained, when both kids will be walking, when both kids will be able to communicate, when I naively believe that life will be simpler, ha-ha...

But in the midst of that I reminded myself of something I know will be true. One day, I have no doubt, I would gladly relive sitting in the shower in the middle of the night with a sick baby. One day life will be much different, maybe one day when my children are grown and out of the house, I will long for the day I stayed up all night trying to nurse my daughter back to health. And I am sure I will have many more sick-capades before that time comes, but I know it will. The day will come when I would gladly relive this past week...

It's hard to be thankful and to feel blessed in the midst of hardship. It is one of the most difficult things for my heart to do. But I am blessed to have two adorable children, and that doesn't change when they and I are sick. I am blessed when my life is made more trying on account of them, and blessed when my life is made more complete because of them. I am blessed - even in the midst of sickness and exhaustion, in the midst of tears and tantrums, when my children are teething or smiling, when they are cooing or screaming - I remain blessed. Some moments are easier to see the blessings in than others.... Like a lot easier.

Tucker and Maddie at the Doctor's Office. 

(And, just in case you were wondering, we did go back to the doctor on Thursday to make sure Maddie's sides going in and under her ribs wasn't something to be concerned about.) She is still coughing but she is having a more normal diaper count and still has not run a temperature (praise!). Tucker did not have a concussion, but has begun to have a cough, so still praying he doesn't contract the virus Maddie and I have had.... I am doing MUCH better after finally receiving medicine (another praise!). And Nathan has remained untouched by sickness (huge praise!). So despite the fact that these last, eleven, days of Christmas have not been looked on with fondness from me, hopefully our little family is on the downhill side of sickness and will be able to enjoy the Christmas holiday together... Healthily. 

Sometimes it's Emotional Blackmail

Tucker dislikes sleep. With a passion that is rather impressive for someone his size. And, up until this point in time I battled with him screaming, kicking, crying, and pulling his hair out. After months of these tactics he has decided it is time to re-think his strategy... And let me just say his new attack works a whole lot better than the screaming. 

In a quiet, whimpering cute voice he asks tentatively, "Cuddle?" Heart. Melts. Yeah, kid, you win. I get him and lay down with him next to me. He waits until I am almost drifting off to sleep before he slowly starts to raise his head up, then he giggles, and jumps up, basically proclaiming, "Let the festivities begin! Nap has been defeated!" 

I groan, and scoop him up- this time with a new found resolve to put him in bed and let him stay there. As I turn to the door he sits up on his knees and again, quietly, with a little more of a quiver to his voice asks, "Mommy?" I turn around to face him... even though I know that's taking the bait. And he continues, "Mommy, cuddle?" Seriously, is my son a con-artist? He has learned all too early that he has a special hold on my heart, and he shamelessly exploits it every chance he gets. Awesome. 

Sometimes it's Amnesia

There is a condition I have come to discover called "Mother's Amnesia," or "Mommy Brain." I truly belive thatheir hour this condition the human race would not survive. And, bonus, it is God's blessing to mothers around the world! All of a sudden there is now an excuse for why you forgot your coffee was on top of the car as you pulled out of your parking space. Suddenly a free pass has fallen into your lap. If you have forgotten something, misplaced an item, or have let the ball drop on a few daily chores- there is a perfectly good and acceptable excuse: temporary amnesia.

Husbands will undoubtedly tease you on your new found mental condition, and you can act as offended as you like by the accusations, but that doesn't mean you aren't grateful for the excuse... And sometimes maybe even exploit it a bit on purpose?

Mommy Brain can show in a variety of ways. Some are ways we wish it didn't affect us- the simple act of forgetting to perform an everyday task like laundry until you are opening your drawer to get dressed ... only to realize that all of your clothes for the season are lying in a heap in the back corner of your closet. Others are ways we are more grateful for: like the fact that the pain of pregnancy and birth become vague memories- the pain not something we truly remember until we are back in the delivery room. Recently I have discovered another such wonderful instance of motherhood amnesia.

It is called the chosen smile. That moment when your little pink wonderful looks at you, eyes wide, and your body begins to brace itself, ears try to close a bit, because the fear of another crying period commencing is just too great... And then it happens, the lips curl up, and instead of a scream it almost looks like a giggle. And your heart just melts. Maddie has recently begun to experiment with this form of communication, and it has done something to my heart.

All of a sudden, she looks at me and smiles, moving her mouth around like she is trying to laugh at the now shocked look on my face. And my heart melts. In an instant I go from my teeth on edge to laughing tears. Suddenly I have no recollection of the past couple months, my memory goes blank, and I just smile in relaxation. My muscles unclench, my face smooths out, and my heart is happy. A taste of joy, that's what it is, when you realize that your child is choosing to smile at you. And, as I feel my body changing and drinking in this refreshing time, I realize that I have no idea why I was so tense to begin with...

(sigh)

Mommy Amnesia. What a gift.

Sometimes it's Cabin Fever

The month of December has finally convinced our city to allow its citizens the option to wear coats and scarves without burning up. In other words it is finally starting to feel like winter fall. At the same time i am finding that it is not so wonderful... with the cold air has come some rather dreary and rainy days. And, here in Austin, there aren't too many places to take a 21 month old to play in doors. At this time last year, Tucker and I would escape to the malls in Houston, in which we would find baby friendly play-scapes that would easily entertain for a couple of hours- especially at the Galleria. But I have looked high and low for some such place here, and am at a loss. (If anyone knows of a good place, please let me know!) and the hardest part of all is an indoor play area is doubly needed this year.

I am finding that even on days like today, in which the sun is shining and it seems so inviting to go out in the invigorating air, I am still not wanting baby Maddie to be out doors for too long. Which is problematic because Tucker could probably stay outside all day. The indoors are giving him cabin fever, and I am beginning to be desperate for a safe place for him to go out and run around in. I guess I could always just keep an eye on him in the back yard... But then what to do when it is the bad weather days?

So far we have...
- painted the top of our table with chalkboard paint (to enable chalk drawings even when we can't go outside)
- driven around and looked at the exact same sets of Christmas lights the past few nights
- completely ransacked the playroom, to the point where I am not sure it will fully recover
And
- transported a way too large pile of toys to the living room floor

Tucker has also tried to play catch with tennis balls... with Maddie, hidden his pacifiers (which I still cannot find) along with Maddie's pacifiers (which I found in one of the trashcans), hidden his love blanket (found in the pantry), and pulled all of the wipes out of the case- then put them in the diaper pail. This morning was the topper of the day as Tucker attempted to ride his fire truck down the stairs- something he has been trying to do the past couple of weeks to no avail.

In other words I am finding that my favorite time of year - due to the wonderful clothes and the refreshment the cold air brings - is failing me. Because of all of the wonderful things that come with the winter months (which is a very long and beautiful list), there is a wanting for an easy outdoor entertainment solution, one that would accommodate a stay at home mom with a two month old and an almost twenty-two month old...

Sometimes it's a Car Trip

The busiest travel day of the year has been said to be the day before Thanksgiving. And, after last week's travelling escapades I now understand why. A trip that normally takes two and a half to three hours was prolonged by two hours of bumper to bumper traffic and one hour of stand still traffic. That's right, a three hour trip became six hours. Add a toddler with a thorough dislike for long car trips and an infant needing to nurse every three hours, and put them along with all of our luggage in a Mini Cooper and you begin to get a taste for what is now my family's most disliked travel day of the year. I may have come to this conclusion sooner had I been more prone in the past to travel the day before Thanksgiving, but alas I charted new territory this year.

From now on I believe I will try extra hard to have my family leave the WEEKEND before Thanksgiving. A guarantee to run into as little traffic as possible.

And now, with Thanksgiving behind us, the blow up yard Santa across the street from our neighborhood (along with the Christmas lights and wreaths that we're already beginning to make their debuts) doesn't look so out of place. Carols are ushering in this season on almost every radio station, and with this I am beginning to come to the realization of just how costly the "giving" season really is. To fill stockings, buy gifts, put up a tree, and string lights - not to mention getting Christmas pictures taken and sending out cards to loved ones - I honestly don't know how people do it year after year... I guess the philosophy of storing up presents throughout the year, like a squirrel with acorns, is the easiest on the checkbook... Think I will implement that next year. And, if anyone has any ideas on hit stocking stuffers for toddlers and infants (and husbands) that won't break the bank so to speak I am all ears! Because is it natural for the stocking stuffers to cost more than their actual gift?

Luckily Tucker is still easily entertained- the kid is happy with acorns and chalk, and trips to the park- the problem is me. I see cute things I know he would go crazy about and before I know it I am having to restrain myself from using all of our Christmas budget (ok it hasn't gotten THAT bad, but close). Don't worry, I emptied the shopping card and reminded myself of my son's easily contented personality. Does giving to kids an excessive amount more than they truly need eventually teach them to not be content with a little? Does it make them greedy? Am I greedy on my children's behalf? Ouch. I guess before this holiday season gets under full swing I need to take a step back myself and try to determine the line between a thoughtful gift, and greedy gifting- something I didn't know existed until now :)

Sometimes it's just that Time of Year

It's that time of year again... When the leaves are supposed to turn colors, the snow is supposed to start falling, and the fireplaces are supposed to be being lit once more. I say "supposed to" because if you live in Austin, Texas (or someplace similar) the majority of leaves are still green... or dead... And the snow is a foam people use to decorate with. Now fires just may be lit in the fireplaces, but instead of being cozyed up to they are politely admired from across the room.

This will be Nathan's and my third holiday season together, our second with Tucker, and of course our first with Maddie... And hopefully it will be the first we actually decorate for and start our own family traditions... Fingers crossed!

I love traditions, probably my most favorite part of the holiday season growing up was that it was dependable and predictable. It came once a year. Thanksgiving was spent at my Uncle's ranch outside of Bracketville- everyone (with the exception of me and whoever was too young at the time) would go bow hunting. We would also roast marshmallows, eat tons of enchiladas, watch the Thanksgiving day parade, and of course the dreaded anticipated football game of the season (A&M vs. UT), while enjoying the most amazing food ever. Seriously, I am not sure a better Thanksgiving tradition exists... Hence it's hold on my heart as my favorite holiday.

The drive from the ranch back to Colorado would consist of Christmas music... Nonstop Christmas music (which was probably the least looked forward to tradition of the holidays by both my brothers and me), however I have found I have become the initiator of that tradition in our house now... Dancing around every evening the past few days singing songs from Michael Buble's new Christmas album with Tucker -who now recognizes different songs and will even shout "oh boy!" for his favorites- during which times of joy I feel a small pang of guilt for not being equally enthusiastic when my own mom would turn on the festive ensembles when we were growing up...

...And then the Christmas season would get underway. In Colorado that meant chopping down our own tree (always one that resembled a "Charlie Brown Christmas tree"), drinking hot chocolate with extra marshmallows in Santa mugs, and watching Christmas movies while my mom strung cranberries and popcorn to decorate it's weathered boughs.

Christmas Eve we would receive our Christmas pj's and again drink hot chocolate after attending the Christmas Eve service in town at the local Presbyterian church. And on Christmas morning we would come downstairs to find our "Santa" gifts and stockings. We would eat another amazingly delicious meal, and then unwrap presents... Leisurely cherishing the snow covered day.

Now it's time for me to figure out which traditions will be the ones my children grow up with. That's a lot of pressure. It seems impossible not to keep every tradition exactly as it's always been... Except for the fact that we don't really get white Christmases here...

Sometimes it's Crazed Peace

You know that emotion that hits you at 2 am? The one that makes you want to pull your hair out? Or possibly make you run out the door screaming (with your fingers in your ears) while you jump into the car and drive to the farthest nearest hotel? If you have recently given birth to a cute bundle of colicky joy then you understand to what I am referring... If not I would like to assure you that these emotions are, I have come to find, completely normal and understandable- to other mothers that is...

Well, back to the fleeing your house in a state of panic because if you don't then you fear for the adorably frustrating child shrieking next to you - this is the state of mind I have found myself on the majority of nights the past few weeks. And here are a few examples as to why that is:
- Middle of the night nursing goes well enough, until the bed is reintroduced
- One minute the wubbanub is helping baby drift off, the next she is spitting it out and whimpering
- The Gripe water successfully passes her out after being administered half the time, but the administering process is full of ear piercing screams
- The Gripe water successfully exacerbates her after being administered the other half of the times
- Mylicon never works only worsens
- Rocking either outs her to sleep or wakes her up even more
- Reflux
- Gas
- Digestion
- Stomach issues
- Burps
- all of which wakes up my toddler who now seems to be suffering from a sort of night terror...

And the results to the afore mentioned statuses = little to no sleep and a highly predictable crying schedule (and no, "crying" does not just refer to the infant's tears). Hence, when moments like these happen in which I find myself awake in the middle of the night, with a baby who can't quite seem to comfort herself, I sometimes have the emotions fill me I described at the beginning of this post...

Tonight, however, I find myself feeling a different emotion I can only accredit to both having had a successful two hour nap earlier this afternoon and having LOTS of prayers lifted up on my behalf (the latter being what I am most grateful for and would ask that those do not cease!) The emotion feels almost fake considering that it is not the norm for this hour of night, at least not for this household, but is delightful all the same. It feels like a lack of emotion honestly- most likely due to the fact that there is no strong urge rising up within me to flee the room in which my child is anxiously fighting sleep.. But you are probably wondering what this fake-like feeling of an emotion is, so I will tell you: it is a calming PEACE that has filled me completely.


Peace is a state of harmony characterized by the lack of violent conflict. Commonly understood as the absence of hostility, PEACE also suggests the existence of healthy or newly healed interpersonal or international relationships, prosperity in matters of social or economic welfare, the establishment of equality, and a working political order that serves the true interests of all.

Recently my dear friend Jessica blessed me tremendously by taking Maddie Emma's newborn photos and our family photos. I have since described her as "The Ultimate Baby Whisperer," and I will tell show you why:

You may find yourself looking at this picture and wondering where the baby I have been describing is. I promise they are one in the same... I think... The perfect embodiment of my current emotion, beautifully captured in my daughter's face.

A note on the new look

Everyone my apologies for the new blog- if the background on the blog is a bright blue, it is not supposed to be. I know that Internet explorer is displaying it this way, but am not sure about other browsers. I believe safari and google chrom show it accurately (more of a gray colored linen). Will try to fix this as soon as possible, but it may take a while... Because I need my husband to do it! I was able to do everything else, very impressed with myself, but I am not nearly as experienced with "codes" as my husband is so I think I will leave this task to him...
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Sometimes it's Empathy

On October 6th, at 12:08 in the morning, we welcomed into the world our brand new baby girl. Six pounds and five ounces of pure newborn pink came into this world at rapid pace. We were thankful she was whole and healthy, but worry furrowed my brow. I was GBS positive and she came too quickly- I hadn't been able to receive the antibiotic that needed to be in my system before she made her way into the world. She would have to be monitored closely, we would need to stay an extra day in the hospital. The doctors were calm, and I tried with all my might to reflect that calm in my face, but my heart was a two-year old colt fresh off the racetrack.

In the days that followed something lovely began to happen. Our daughter would smile, not the half face smirky smile, but the whole face, eyes squinted, dimpled cheeks prominent, smile. If you saw a picture it looked like she was laughing with unhindered joy. A blessing, a soothing calm for the mother's worry of a heart. Every fiber of her tiny being fought to be content. But now, three weeks later, it has become a tremendous struggle. Now she is hurting and upset that she is upset. Looking at her face it is easy to tell that she does not desire to be as she is, but she can't help it. She is in pain. Pain that makes her back arch, her body turn beat red, and piercing wails escape from deep within her chest.

It is one of the hardest parts of parenthood. Listening to a new baby desperate for pain relief, and unable to communicate any other way than ear piercing cries. It wrenches the parents' hearts from their bodies. My eyes begin to burn and I want to run out of the room. Like if I am not standing there, useless to aid her, then she will no longer be in agony. My feet beg to run, my blood pulses through my veins urging me to flee from the room. And yet my chest aches to hold her, to soothe her. My knees collapse and the tears escape, while my body remains paralyzed. Unable to move one way or the other.

This time of the evening is the time when father is mother's blessing. Time is granted to escape in the warm water of the shower while he sits with the crying child. Shushing, singing, rocking, and cooing take place.

The other night our little Maddie girl was having one of the above evenings. I was in the shower, my husband had Maddie, and our son was sound asleep. By the time I was out of the shower, however, our son had woken up. A fresh set of tears just as we had gotten Maddie to sleep. Isn't that the story of parenthood? My husband went in to check on Tucker, who is normally easily consoled in the middle of the night, but he wouldn't quiet down this time. I heard him crying for me, so I went in. My husband whispered that he thought Tucker had had a nightmare. I set on the floor with our son in my arms, but he was desperate for something. He went to the door and my husband opened it for him. Tucker looked at me and gestured for me to hold him. I picked him up while looking puzzled at my husband. "What on earth? He's never done this before... What's wrong?" was the silent message sent from my eyes to my husbands eyes. We made our way down the hall- Tucker pointing the way to where he needed to go. Then all of a sudden he looks at me, and with a whimper in his voice says, "Maddie?"

Immediately I understood. His panicked face, his quivering voice... He had been hearing his sister's cries. He understood that she was in pain. And since she was now asleep the cries had stopped... "Maddie's ok bud, she's just sleeping." I try to tell him, but he won't calm down, his face is still panicked and he is pointing for her. "Do you want to check on her?" and he nods his head vigorously. We walk into the room and let him peak into her Moses Basket. After the reassurance that she is just sleeping and multiple kisses given to her head, he quiets down and let's his daddy put him back to bed.

At twenty months old my son shows more empathy than most adults I know. And for his sister- that might just be one for the books. The night ended with my husband trying to talk tonTucker some more as they lay in Tuck's big boy bed together. Tucker put his tiny hand on his daddy's face and turned it so that they were eye to eye. He put his finger to his daddy's lips until there was no longer any talking and then patted his daddy's cheeks.

Is there anything sweeter than that?

Sometimes it's Exhausted Imperfection

Today I find myself counting the hours until my toddler's bedtime. The third trimester of pregnancy is a lot more tiring when chasing around a toddler all day every day- especially when that toddler is constantly getting into things he shouldn't. That coupled with the stresses of moving cities (changing doctors, pediatricians, mom groups, Bible studies, churches, and my husband's new job) is taxing me greatly.

And, as a result of these new found exhaustions, I feel a nagging sense of guilt for not getting my son outside more or interacting with him 100% on a constant basis. I am thankful for the reminder that since the beginning of time there has been no perfect human parent, but at the same time I wish I could be. I wish I could be that for my son- that I would always handle every situation perfectly, and that I would never feel a sense of guilt for not doing more.

And that's when I remember that, even though my children will never have perfect human parents or roll models- they will always have their Heavenly Father, to act as perfect parent, and Jesus Christ as perfect roll model, and the Holy Spirit to be their Helper. It's a relief knowing that despite the fact that I am imperfect, God more than makes up for my short comings. And He will always be here, ready to catch not only me when I fall short, but also my kids. How comforting that is!

Sometimes it's Hunger...

Hunger: A strong or compelling desire or craving

Since the moment my son was born he has been adept at expressing when he is hungry. As a newborn it was a piercing cry; as a baby it was a whine/whimper, which would turn into a cry of panic as soon as food was spotted; now, as a toddler, it is a demanding cry of panic- he sees the food and he needs it... now! I have been humored and slightly annoyed at his panic over food. "When have you ever seen food, been hungry, and I have not fed you?" (This thought to myself sometimes voiced to my child... of course I don't receive a response.) But recently I have had two thoughts/questions on this subject. 

The first being this: How different would my life be if I hungered for God's Word (and expressed that hunger) as desperately as my toddler expresses his hunger for food? Imagine not being able to walk by your Bible without immediately grasping it up and abiding in it. Imagine not being able to feed your flesh's hunger until you had satisfied your spiritual hunger. To have a daily, urgent, hunger for abiding in Him would drastically alter my day, my plans, my thoughts, my life.

My second thought, however, was brought about by this question: Do I hunger like this in my life for anything? 

The answer: Yes, I do. I express my panic towards God, I look at Him and beg, "Why aren't You feeding me," and all the while He is holding a spoon to my lips. My conviction about treating my Heavenly Father like a demanding toddler came twice in one week. Think He's trying to tell me something? 

My being a toddler part 1: 

In one instance I was frustrated with a situation, plus stressed that I was going to have a toddler and a newborn in a one bedroom/one study apartment (the study is about 7 sq feet by 5 sq feet, not really big enough for two cribs and a changing table). But financially we couldn't afford to move to a bigger apartment, plus our lease doesn't end until February (by which time baby 2 will be four months old!) So here am I panicking in a demanding, relentless voice to God crying out, "How are we supposed to make this work? Why are we in this stage of life? Why is this frustration in my life right now? etc, etc, etc..." 

The Spoon: 

This last week, the manager of our apartment offered to let us move into a two bedroom (as a result to the frustration issue), and not only that but to lower the price of the two bedroom in order to make it affordable for us to live in. And so the whole time I'm complaining God's sitting there with this perfect solution in hand, probably getting a little annoyed with me, because I am panicking and His provision is sitting there perfectly laid out. 

My being a toddler part 2: 

Recently, as I believe I have expressed earlier, we have had stress in our household. Which, I believe, every couple and family has on a regular basis, especially when, like us, it revolves around finances. This month I honestly had no idea how we were going to make certain payments. And again, my demanding complaint, as I look around and judge that others have been provided for in abundance, "Why am I not being provided for? God, don't you care about this stress in my life? How am I supposed to do this? What am I supposed to do?" Mind you, this is also after we studied the book of Luke and our assignment was to recognize that we were valued in Christ. So, God chose to give me a gentle reminder, a soft rebuking, and a sweet reassurance that I am indeed valued and He is taking care of me- 

"Blessed are those who have not seen and yet believe," John 20:29

God's Planned Provision: 

A check sent by a dear friend in the exact amount needed to pay specific bills for this month. Mind you, I have heard of this kind of action and provision before- had heard testimonies of it from friends, but experiencing it first hand has been truly remarkable. And also convicting, because I have been called by God, through His Word, to "not worry about tomorrow" and yet there I was worrying, and fretting, and stressing, and being cross because I didn't truly believe that I was indeed valued. I didn't have faith that my Heavenly Father would truly provide for all my needs. 

This week the prayer that each of us are praying in our Bible study is that we will abide in Him and in His Word, daily, constantly, incessantly. 

Sometimes it's a Zoo...

*This blog is a total side-note, silly, fun tidbit that I have come across :) 

I have never considered my child to have ever had a stage where he is "immobile," mainly because he has been moving every limb on his body since he was basically born. From birth he would "swim" if you held his body up in the air- arms and legs moving as fast as he could make them go until he was put down, and even then he didn't hold still. Two months comes along and we have a rolling baby- who miraculously would use his skills to go from one place to another. Five months we have a crawler... a fast crawler. Nine to ten months mostly crawling and pulling up/walking while holding onto furniture: "cruiser." Eleven months we have it, a walker. Now we have a toddler who only walks/waddle-runs... There are benefits that come with such an active child- the first of which is I get plenty of exercise. 

I was always one of those women who dreamed of having twins- I thought it would be the greatest thing ever, that is until I had one baby. I tried to picture how I could have possibly taken care of two mouths to feed, two bottoms to diaper, and two babies to clean and play with. Just thinking about it I would get tired... Now, however, I realize the benefit to having two at the same time is your child has a distraction- someone else to follow around, to play with, to chase, and to "talk" to. 

When Tucker follows me around the house like a little puppy I wish I had someone or something (a dog or a cat) for him to be entertained with. And then I happened upon Zhu-Zhu pets. We were first introduced to these little critters at a friend's house when she grabbed out two to occupy our two boys (who were both crawling at the time)- and the boys chased the things around for an insane amount of time.... I had half-forgotten about these little "pets," and have been thinking more and more about wanting an animal for Tucker to be entertained with... But the only thing we could really have in our tiny little apartment is a fish or two- neither of which I thought my son would be too pleased by seeing as he couldn't really play with them. And then (sigh): Zhu-Zhu pet. From the moment I handed him the little raccoon animal he was fascinated: the noises that emerged from the little creature had Tucker talking right back to it!

Now I know, most parents aren't too crazy about something that not only makes a ton of little squeaky sounds, but also can move incessantly... However, the benefits (at least for us) have far outweighed the costs. For starters the little things can be purchased for $5 at Target, which is a fairly cheap form of entertainment these days... 

Tucker chases the pet up and down our apartment, then he will grab it and laugh at the little noises it makes. He still continues to talk to it, and he now knows how to make it go, stop, and squeak. He gets so tickled when I get "Rocco" down and let the two of them zoom around the floor together- and it's a great distraction in the morning so I can either get dressed and ready, make breakfast, or even eat my own breakfast! 

So, if you are like me, and are trying to desperately find a way to entertain your extra-mobile child with something, anything so you can have a few moments in the morning, etc. to get ready and get the house in order, and if you can't actually buy an animal (or don't want to deal with the hassel of cleaning up after it/dealing with extra expenses) I'd recommend the zhu-zhu pets :) And I'm sure there are tons of other similar toys out there which we haven't yet discovered... 

A Season

"For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:

a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;

a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; 

a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; 

a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; 

a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to seek, and a time to lose; 

a time to keep, and a time to cast away; a time to tear, and a time to sew; 

a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate; 

a time for war, and a time for peace." 

-Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

The past couple months there has been a lot of stress in my household. Mainly because expecting our second child has mixed joy with worry. Questions arise daily, from "How am I going to drive a Mini Cooper when I'm in my third trimester?" to "Where is baby #2 going to sleep when he or she is too big for the Moses basket?" to "How are we going to continue to live off of one income?" 

I forget that probably the majority of people expecting their second child have similar worries as well, if not more complex. Reminding myself that I am blessed relieves so much stress on my mind. A burden is lifted from my shoulders when I realize how wonderful it is that I live in a safe apartment, that I get to see my toddler every day and I am not having to place him in childcare, that we are able to purchase necessities, and we are not going hungry or going without clothing. 

Living in the midst of a large city- surrounded by the hustle and bustle of thousands of people, bombarded on every side by billboards and advertisements- I lose sight of what it looks like to live for Christ and not for the world (or for my own fleshly desires). How hard it is to not long for a home, for two cars that are both safe to put children inside of, for expendable income, and for an actual vacation to the beach or the mountains with my husband and child(ren). 

Today, I had a pleasant escape from this temptation of thought. I was able to watch my son be fascinated and overjoyed with nature. A stick to him was a golden scepter and an ordinary rock was a precious gemstone. A leaf was a rare treasure (especially when it had a fuzz ball attached to it), and his little plastic purple ball elicited a shout of joy and a belly giggle. 

Digging in the dirt, trying to understand why tree roots don't come off of the ground, and trying with every fiber of his being to catch the black birds hopping under the picnic benches- that is what contentment means to my toddler of a son. How refreshing, how truly enjoyable, to sit and watch a child thoroughly enjoy God's creation. He didn't need anything electronic, or costly; all it took was a little time, some turkey and cheese, a plastic ball, and the great outdoors. God truly has anticipated all of our needs and provided for them- even down to the smallest of people. 

Sometimes it's Nice

I recently reconnected with a long-time friend. Mother of one-year old twins and a four year old, and honestly I don't know how she does it. I look at my one, eleven month old child, and whenever it's a bad day (tears, teething, reflux, or just pure exhaustion sets in) I think how difficult it would be to have multiple children draining my energy and strength. And yet, my friend is resilient. I'm sure if you were to talk to her she would credit everyone else around her as the reason she is how she is in motherhood. And, while that is true, she is also an amazing mother because she has been obedient to the calling God has placed on her life for this season.

(And, yes, the people who surround a mother as she raises her children are truly dear friends and family members- they are people who love to give of themselves and help make a mother's hardships bearable. I can honestly say that those individuals who have truly helped me throughout my pregnancy, and the beginnings of motherhood have shown me what it is to be the body of Christ like no one else. Christ does not give us more than we can bear, and that is so true- so when you feel as though you are faced with a burden too big for you, look at who else Christ has placed in your life at that moment to make that burden bearable.)

But there is also something to say about the person who is, with help, obediently bearing his or her burden. And the beautiful thing is that that same person will in turn be able to speak words of encouragement to a fellow bearer. It's an amazing blessing to be able to be told that you are not alone. My aforementioned friend blessed me tremendously when she spoke her own words of encouragement to me. Sometimes tears will stream down cheeks as you realize you aren't the first one to feel overwhelmed, sometimes laughter will escape your lips as you come to see that your child is not the first obstinate little one to grace this world with his or her presence, and sometimes it's just nice to know that you are not the first one to make a mistake.

I really don't want this blog to be something that scares people away from motherhood- because it is a truly amazing experience. And yes, it is harder than anything you will ever do, but that's not a bad thing. If you are wanting to be a doctor or a lawyer or you just want to get your masters, trust me that will seem like a piece of cake compared to raising a child. Your sweat, tears, time, blood, love, and heart go into raising a child, and with every day it gets even better. I am sitting here with an eleven month old and I am thinking to myself "I couldn't possibly love him more," but I know I will, because that is what I thought yesterday.